Super full.  Water in my stomach.  The oranges were very sour.  Well, need to finish these fruits b4 going home for CNY. Hence the title.

But the post today was for BTSS.  It was really wonderful meeting up with you here.  You are always so sweet and warm, no matter how long we didn’t see each other.  Thanks for still thinking that I am so exceptionally smart.  Because I have stop believing that for a long time now.  But it seems to me you are the excellent one now.  Good for you! You are one good friend I’ll treasure.  Fight on!

Stupid fruits..so bloated now….

Any relationship is a two-way thing: giving and taking.  But many times, it is practised uni-directionally.

Some people always(maybe only) find you when they need you, when they need to talk, when they need to grumble, when they need someone to care.  But these people are often not good listeners nor observers who will return you the same service you do them.  Maybe they couldn’t help it.  They may not even realize that they are taking you for granted.

But there are always some people, who are always there to knock on your door when they know you are feeling down by loyally following your blog.  They are there to share your emotions, be it happy or sad. They are excellent listeners and observers. But these people are also those who rarely open up their inner thoughts and feelings to others, maybe even you.  And sometimes because they don’t share with you, you just keep getting engrossed in yourself and possibly take these good friends for granted.

Personally, I keep track of the directionality of my friends and family (excluding distant friends).  Have I been talking too much about myself? Have I been complaining too much about how sucky my day is? Did I ask them about theirs? Do I know if they feel down? Are they troubled with something that I don’t know? For one thing, by doing so, I assess myself, whether I have been a good friend/family and then alert and correct myself should I find myself getting to be too selfish or self-centered.  And by also assessing how my friends treat me, I identify who are the true friends worth caring for, and who are only really just friends, which sometimes can be saddening.

Often in relationships, you can identify the dependable or the dependent.  I have the impression that friends normally treat me as the dependable.  I’m supposed to be the strong, responsible, reliable, big sister who can take care of most things.  But I find such roles tiresome.  And to some good friends, I like to be the dependent, the childish, the breakable, the cry baby.  So obviously, you know what kind of friends I truly love, and what kind of frienda I often get annoyed with for taking me for granted.

But neither is correct.  The right relationship must always be both ways.  Give and take.  Listen and talk.  This is called sharing.  Isn’t it obvious? But many people don’t seem to be aware, sometimes maybe even me..

Endless to-do list starts again..  I’ll try my best to tackle them all!!!  Haha, I’m in quite good mood today.

This year’s CNY may be different, but it always feels the same when anticipating home-coming：excited!

My dear bro is flying to Aussie tomorrow.  All the best in your exciting journey ahead! We will miss you.  Take care.  And keep in touch always!

Camomile is working for me.  Thanks much daddy.

Okay enough here, better get started on all the things to do..

Auld Lang Syne, as I have known it, is a song we sing in primary and secondary school, when we part after graduation, knowing that someday we will meet back.I will never see this song the same ever again.When it was played by the band last night, it meant goodbye forever.Forever.In my heart I could feel him there.In my head, I was seeing him waving at us.He was smiling.But it made me cry.

What do you feel when you lose someone, when you know that you will never see him again and you didn’t get a chance of saying goodbye? Do you regret that you did not spend enough time with him? Do you wonder how he was feeling then before he left? Suffering? Scared? And do you feel sad for him? Do you let him go? Do you look around at the ones still here, and realize just how short or fragile life is? Do you tell yourself you need to appreciate all of those around you now? Are you afraid for another such event?

All of this is like a dream.It happened so quickly and shockingly.And then we got busy with all the ceremony and procedures.Soon after, we are expected to continue life as usual, with plenty of work piling up while we were gone grieving.But it is not a dream.Reality eventually sinks in.You will soon realize that some things will never be the same again.And while you are busy, some little things, maybe a sad song, may just remind you of your loss.

He didn’t get to see me graduate.But he was proud of me, proud of us.31 January 2010.I will remember this day.

Rest in peace, Ah Kong.

What do you do, if you know that the worst is coming, but you just don’t know when? How should you feel? What should you be thinking?

It’s been long since these stuff come.  Don’t think I remember how to handle.

2010 may be the year when things change the most for home.

http://www.themalaysianinsider.com/index.php/malaysia/51140-muslim-overseers-blame-christians-for-allah-row

That idiot.

If there is a race riot on Feb 13, CNY eve, or anyday of CNY, I am 70% likely to leave and be a Singaporean.

I just want to go back home peacefully and have a Happy CNY with my family.

STUPID IDIOT

Tuesdays seem to be the day I dislike most in a week.  First the early class at 9am.  Then the 7 or 8 long hours.  And for some reason, I always couldn’t seem to get enough sleep the night before Tuesdays.  So, I always start my Tuesdays tired and sleepy.  Hence the nasty mood.  I couldn’t care about my appearance.  I couldn’t care about talking.  I just want to evaporate away and daydream.  By the time I come back, I just want to emo.  and the root cause–> lack of sleep! I really need to fix this problem.  Nevertheless, I am not going to let this get me down.  So I had a bad day.  But it will end nicely.  Because I want it to.

Today, I really feel like slapping myself hard on the face.  My favourite lecturer, the one I mentioned earlier, let’s call him the Dr.  C, well during the break during lecture, Dr.  C as a nice lecturer went around the class, approaching students asking if we have any question.  And when he asked me, all I could do was to shake my head, looking half blur half asleep.  ARGH! And deep down I wanted him to go.  Because I was guilty of only absorbing about 65% of what he is talking.  I couldn’t face him.  ARGH!! *slap* *slap* *slap*.  Well, since he is such a nice teacher, I am going to promise that I’ll study freaking hard for his module.  I will go through every single slide and post my questions and email him.  I just wish I know when I will do it.

Next was Critical Thinking and Writing.  Well, I like the subject.  Because I like to be critical and argumentative.  But I don’t quite like my tutor.  Let’s not get critical about that.  Perhaps I didn’t like the interaction part of the module.  Hmm…

Then it was time for lunch.  Lately, I’ve been skipping lunch.  Well not exactly skipping.  I usually have egg tarts and Milo from Dily’s.  (Dad don’t scold me bout that, sis has just apples for lunch!) Anyway, I just didn’t want to go to the canteen.  It’s busy, crowded, noisy.  Sometimes you need a good mood to put up to that.  Most of the time, I just couldn’t stand it, I prefer a quite spot to munch on something while reading through my notes.

Then it’s lab.  So I miss my lab mate.  Yup, the dean-lister.  We’re in a different groups now.  She’s an excellent lab partner who is so careful about the experiments, lab reports…  She’s so reliable.  I’m gonna miss her.  But as a friend, well, she never really talk to me about anything besides a topic in class, tutorials, assignments or labs.  Whenever we talk about something else, it was always I who have to initiate it.  Sometimes I do get tired of that.  Because it appears to me that I am the one who wants to be friends, single-sided.  She doesn’t appear to want to know me better, relax around me, joke… sometimes I want to give up finding friends in class.  It really is strictly business..

Other little stuffs:

I have a little crush. Crushes come and go.  But they always add a little fun in the boring life.  As long as they don’t find out.

I cannot stand people  throwing tantrums.  you know, 小姐脾气.

I desperately miss home.  It has been long since I get pampered.  I’m not sure if this is the right word.  In hokkien, it is “oh lo”, in cantonese, it is “deh”, in mandarin, it is 撒娇, in malay, it is manja.  Especially after having a bad day.  Little girl wants her daddy.

Sometimes…

Being kind to others, means being cruel to yourself.  Vice Versa.

Being responsible in CCA, means being irresponsible in studies.  Vice Versa.

Life is about striking that balance.

I have yet to be there.  So much for my libran scales.. I guess it cannot handle the entropy.

I like weird.

I like crazy.

I like spontaneous.

I like random.

I like non-conformity.

And I like playmates who like all the above as much as I do.

My favourite place in Singapore is…..

my room, specifically, my bed.  It’s soft, feels good, smells awesome, just so wonderful.

My favourite place in the world is…

my home.  I’m missing home already.

Daddy, pat pat…

My favourite thing in my room…

my radio..thanks sis.

Nice song I’m listening to now: Haven’t Met You Yet- Michael Buble

Lucky is to have family and friends to love, and who love you just as much.  I’m lucky.